When we first met I was excited. Possibility was in the air. New beginnings - the world was our oyster.
At first I was dismayed by your foul stench, and rank aftertaste. However, these are qualities that I have grown to enjoy. I will not judge you for your composition - it's not your fault.
My bathroom symphony is quickly becoming a masterpiece. Soon I will be among the ranks of Mozart and Beethoven. My toilet paper consumption has increased by 500%.
Your "recommended food guide" has left me unfulfilled and often starving. There is only so much plain brown rice that one woman can forcibly eat. With or without Bragg's cleanse-friendly soy sauce.
However, my waistline thanks you, and my pants fit better. I no longer want to cry when I see my boyfriend scarf down pizza and muffins.
However, I still dream about large double doubles and birthday cake.
After 9 days with you, I no longer fear the BE (bathroom emergency) and the words "hunger pang" are now replaced by "weight loss".
Sadly, I will part ways with you soon. But I will think of you often, mostly while in the washroom.
1 comment:
Shit man. That looks like motor oil! are you sure you noted where you last oil change remnants ended up???
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