30 Ain't So Far Off Afterall!

I can still remember the last time I actually dyed my hair. It was about 4.5 years ago, I was living in Toronto and preparing to move back home to Sudbury. At the time I was sporting bright red hair with streaks and highlights and the whole bit – it was a post-breakup thing. I was wandering down Bloor street on an autumn afternoon, contemplating how I was going to survive moving back home with mom and dad... when I happened upon a drug store, and impulsively decided that it was time to dye my hair back to its original colour: Brown.

At the time I just figured I was going through a phase, life changes etc. I have not dyed my hair since. Hairdressers often comment that I should dye my hair – I suppose that dying your hair is pretty much customary now. My most common response was always, “I am not dying my hair again until I go grey” – and it just sort of ended up becoming my plan.

Now, I’m only 28 years old, and my gorgeous locks are still deep brown and curly. However, yesterday I received a little bit of a shock. When I was putting my hair into a ponytail I saw one, single, solitary, shiny, short, silver hair. PANIC!

Since I was a child, my mom would always tell me that I have had one, single grey hair since I was born. This one hair that has always been grey, and living somewhere on my head amongst a sea of curl.

Is it possible? Could the hair that I found be the one? Is it the same single grey I’ve had since I was just little?

Or... could this be a fresh one? Where there is one, is there also another? And another? OH GOD!

It was too much to handle. So I asked myself “What would Donna do?”

I decided that Donna would convince herself that it’s the same one I’ve had since I was a child. However, if that “same hair” pops up more than 5 times it’s time to call the salon and book a cut, colour and possibly some therapy.

Ants!

I found myself on my hands and knees down on the kitchen floor, scrubbing the tiles and the baseboards furiously. It was at this moment that it all became clear: I am my mother.

Let me back up a bit and explain.

I had just arrived home from a long day at work, and I was perusing the kitchen for tonight’s dinner, when my world came crashing in: ANTS! Not just your average, run of the mill picnic ants. Tiny, translucent, orange, gnat-like creatures, crawling all over the counter, the sink, the wall, the cupboard.... in my FOOD!

Somehow these bastards had worked their way into my grocery cupboard (luckily, my roommate A’s cupboards are currently untainted).

When something like this usually happens, I tend to pick up my phone and call home. My mom always knows what to do with these sorts of things. However, my parents were vacationing in Jamaica which made mom unavailable to help me.

“Don’t Panic!” I told myself... “What would Donna do?”

Without hesitation I reached for the rubber gloves and the Javex, proceeded to clean every inch of the cupboard including all of its contents. I also managed to purge at least one full cupboard’s worth of crap while doing it. Hooray!

It was at this time that my roommate A came home. A is a scientist – she completely understood what I was doing. Without missing a beat, she grabbed the gloves and the bleach and got to work on the bottom cupboards.

I must have blacked out, because the next thing I remember is working furiously on the kitchen floor which I had decided was unacceptable.

Donna still has this idea that I am a complete slob – no matter how old I get I will always be that 16 year-old that never cleaned her room. Luckily, A obtained photographic evidence of my anal cleaning spree.

Donna should be proud!